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About Literature / Hobbyist KitsueUnknown Recent Activity
Deviant for 3 Years
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Statistics 478 Deviations 2,339 Comments 4,961 Pageviews

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I don't know, let me know what you guys think


deviation in storage by NinjaKato


Okay, serious talk time. Because I haven’t been on this account in a while and I need to get some things off my chest.


The majority of you followed me on this account because of my writing. In all honesty, the writings you fell in love with were fueled with negativity and distaste for my family, myself, and life in general.  I was uber depressed and confused about everything and it was a hard time for me.

Going through things now, looking back at some of the crazy stuff I’ve written, I realize that I’ve come a lot farther than where I was. I mean, hell, I’m still confused about somethings.  And I still don’t get why I’m so unbelievably emotional. But that doesn’t mean I haven’t gotten better.

I depend on my friends a lot, you know. Like a lot, a lot. And half the time, I don’t think they understand how important they are to me. I’ve been down darker paths before, self harm was something I struggled with and every day was a battle in the craziness that is my own mind. My anxiety still gets to me, and I tend to panic and worry to the point I’m word-vomiting into a friend’s skype or inbox…. But the thing is, No matter how many times I’ve done that,

No matter how many times I’ve curled up into a little ball and worried about how intimidating life can be,

My friends are always the ones to pick me back up and push me in the right direction.


If it weren’t for a friend I’ve recently gotten close to, I wouldn’t have found a new job as an interior designer for an awesome store.

If it weren’t for a friend I’ve known for a year at college, I’d still be struggling with self harm and hating myself.

If it weren’t for a friend across the freakin’ ocean, I wouldn’t believe in my own strength as an individual.

If it weren’t for my friends on tumblr and collected online groups, I would never have accepted myself as genderfluid and pansexual.

If it weren’t for my friends all together, I don’t think I’d have had the courage to get out of bed everyday and stand up against the negativity in my own head.


Everyone struggles, everyone has rough times, and for some reason, we always end up thinking we’re alone in whatever it is that’s putting us down. We can’t seem to get ahead no matter how hard we try and it all seems pointless, right? I know, it’s like that every time my thoughts cloud my mind before bed. My insomnia is really just my overthinking, and believe me, it does suck.

But here’s the thing,

My friends are my family. They help stand me up every time I fall and despite my ridiculousness and the idiotic mistakes I make, they still love me and believe in me.


I don’t know if they’ll ever understand how much they mean to me, but it’s more than I can’t say.

I finally feel like I’m getting somewhere, even though I have such a long way to go.


So here’s the deal guys, if you followed me for my depressing, negative, emotional writings, that’s fine. That’s awesome.  But I’ve grown a lot since writing about forbidden love and matriarchal focused hate.  I’ve grown a lot since I was the “ Topaz- eyed Cat”…since I was Ambrosia….since I was Aura….since I was Kitsue even and those names were from three years ago.

If you liked those kind of writings, you’re more than likely not going to find them here anymore. You just won’t. I may vent time to time, but I dislike using this account because of bad memories. 

If you want to get to know me, for me, you can follow my newer accounts on tumblr, youtube, deviantart, the works.  IAmPickledTink.  That’s it. Just go look it up, and hit me up. 

So yeah….friends are my family. I’ve grown to realize that it’s not the end of the world every night. And I’m struggling to find a way just like you guys are,  so please don’t give up ever. More than likely, you  have someone to reach out to.

 And if you don’t, message me. I’ll help in whatever way I can, even if it means sending you goofy videos off youtube to make you smile. Being a goofball is what I do best.


I love you lovelies, consider this the final submission on this account, and sweet dreams whenever you need them <3

With all the love,

  • Mood: Affection

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Add a Comment:
PrinceCiel Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2013
Thank you for the llama! :icongivegetcent-danceplz:
Ryuseishin-chan Featured By Owner May 31, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Just a fellow therian dropping by :) I love your writing!! Feel free to drop me a message sometime :)
topazcat511 Featured By Owner May 31, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
haha, awesome :) and thanks, I will ^_^
tanasha67 Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
happy b-day :)
topazcat511 Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
cos-tam Featured By Owner Feb 16, 2013  Student General Artist
thx for the fav :iconyeahplz:
topazcat511 Featured By Owner Feb 16, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
haha, no prob
shaman-art Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thanks for faving my "Cat"! :silentkitty:
topazcat511 Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
^_^ no problema
Zoey113 Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2013
Thanks for the fav
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