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RelapseIt’s like counting
Saturn’s rings,
hash marks
along your limbs -
remembering a time
when

‘just one more’

made you feel better.

- & you’re sitting there
wondering why
Draco, stuck in limbo
always looks like he’s

falling.

Does that make me Different?I wear make up. Does that make me fake?
I cry. Does that make me emo?
I have male friends. Does that make me slutty?
I smile a lot. Does that make me weird?
I laugh loud. Does that make me preppy?
I have anxiety. Does that make me a freak?
I have Bipolar Disorder. Does that make me abnormal?
I respect people. I change for me, and only me. I have a past, but I know I have a future.
Does that make me different?
Maybe.
But at least it makes me
Me.

UneditedWe cry.
We scream.
We fight for our dream.

We scream.
We cry.
We're just waiting to die.

The same emotions
with a different drive.
Sometimes dead, sometimes alive.

The same in one way,
different in another
brother and sister, sister and brother.

So close in feeling,
so different in the end.
Falling apart, or finally on the mend?

Which am I?
Will I ever know?
Fighting to stay or ready to go?

Maybe I'm both,
in some impossible way.
Emotions oddly mixed everyday.

Wouldn't surprise.
I'm such a freak.
Excuse me, I laugh, I should call it "unique"

Battle in my MindEat.
Don't eat.
Take it easy.
Work out until you pass out.
Get help.Tell someone.
Keep it a secret. It's only for you and me.
You're perfect.
You're worthless.
You're beautiful.
You're disgusting.
Why won't you listen?
They don't understand.
Let me help you.
You don't understand.
Show me.
No!
I love you..

WorthlessWorthless,
the name that cuts like a knife,
Me,
it's all that you see inside,
My heart,
is breaking with every breath I take
The lies,
the only thing I can't seem to face.

In The Daylight

In The Daylight

A false downfall
An unexpected revival

Sunset to moonset
Shining through darkness

Life...redefined
Death...redesigned

In the valley of promises- I will fear no end
On the brink of weakness- I will ascend
-
Roads of the toughest
Paths of the darkest

I conditioned my flawed limits
So fearful memories won't be paralytic

I had to raise my own spirit
Strength and endurance become so vivid

A chance for change / A moment of fate
A time to make peace / A brief feeling of creed
A sealing of my slate / A silencing of my mistakes
A secret ready to be freed / A chain soon-to-be incomplete

Pain and peace are infinite
Judge the wrat

wallflower clippingsthere's scar tissue in her throat,
swollen around the words she never said;
dark rings around her eyes
like planets unremembered, and
a staleness to her touch,
the crystalline Dead Sea.

she's living like a story
that's already been told
"if no one loved you
would you mean anything at all?"

in that moment,
we forget to exist.

Ode to the boy with diamonds for eyesI think we were a collision course waiting to happen
And when I think back to the day when we first
Stumbled across one another, red sneakers hanging off gutters
Cherry cola voice overs and dilated pupils
We led one another on to believe in the night sky of connect the dot constellations

You wanted to dissect me and peer into the insides of my lungs
Only to find witches breath and dandelions
Slicing iron vowels you locked your hands in mine
And we fell into the static of dreaming disease
The operating table broke away to reveal a sky that never existed
And we couldn't help but laugh at the irony
Because wishing was never an option
The ane

We are the King and Queen of Broken DreamsStanding still in a mine field, staring at all we have left.
We were so young, we didn’t stop to think.
Now we’re in a car crash, teetering on the brink.
If you were to leave me now, I don’t know what I’d do.

It was a whirl wind romance,
A light when all was black, a spark of something when all was bleak.
You swept me off my feet and made me feel brand new.
I thought we could live forever and I’m certain you did to.

We built a house without foundations
And now we’re falling down,
Everything’s crumbling around us, time slipping through out fingertips.
People used to walk past us but they were to drunk to see,
That our lives are coming apart around us, there is no light as far as we can see.

There was no fire to start with,
Just two broken things, the world had left behind.
The casualties of other people’s dreams of power, money and control,
Spat out onto the curb to rot away and die.
We never stood a chance or so

Our MasksThe masks we wear are perfect
Never loose and rarely tight
They keep us safe from others
And keep our demons out of sight

They smile when we are broken
And laugh when we simply must
No blemish or imperfection
A creation that will never rust.

I seldom ever remember
Who I am without my mask
That to peel off that layer
Is such a daunting task

All others carry one as well
Wherever they may go
And no matter what is on their minds
Only the molded mask will show.

The lies they preach in public
Or the scars along their wrists
Are left mute to others knowledge
Ignorance is such a splendid gift

My mask is oh so perfect
Not a crack will show
Alway

Her SideTomorrow she'll be gone,
but what can you say?
Nothing can help her.
The pain won't go away.

But she would've stopped,
you could've said no.
That's what she wanted,
someone to say don't go.

That someone wanted her,
or at least would try.
That someone would grieve
if she were to die.

But you just stared,
nodding your head,
and she realized the truth
with a feeling of dread.

No one wanted her.
No one cared.
Not even you,
with the the love you shared.

So she said good-bye,
and you watched her leave.
She may have had the rope,
but now you can't breathe.

LonelyLonely.
Unnoticed.
People don't even look
when they walk by.
Always ignored...
Nobody even asks my ideas,
my opinion.
Nobody even knows
who I am.
When people see me,
they either ignore me,
or ask a question:
"Who are you?"
But they don't even bother
to listen to my response:
"I'm Canada."
Forgotton.
Forgotton by everyone.
Forgotton by my friends, my allies.
Maybe one day
Someone will remember my name.
Canada.

Falling off the EdgeDo you know what it feels like?
To nearly fall off the edge,
but not quite...
just so that you're dangling;
clinging for your worthless life
lest it fall into the sea of loneliness.
Your callused, pink fingers turning
to a shade of purplish-red of pain
as it does it best to hold on.

Splash.

In the sea of loneliness,
everything is crisp, translucent.
There is nothing around you,
you are alone...
unlike other people,
you have no one
clamouring to save you;
you have no one
diving in to get you out.

There is no point
screaming for help,
you will only waste
the little time and air you have left.
You only have the darkness
of the sea envelop

Honesty Written

from the

heart.

No eraser.

Lost In ConfusionLost In Confusion

My mind is spinning without a rest
Emotions whirl and twirl around
A merry-go-round gaining speed
Until the world blurrs before my eyes
What's happening? What's going on?

The simplest thought slips away
Right from my mind, fading so fast
Trying to focus, I stare and stare
Until my eyes are heavy and unclear.
I don't understand, what is going on..

Emotions rise and fall again
Within the blink of an eye
I'm crying, laughing, and depressed
A roller-coaster ride that never ends
Am I losing my mind in this?

I try to close my eyes and rest
But the world spins me around
I feel like I am failing this test
Voices and noises echo

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Peaches and Poetry (version 2)Ambrosia's Journal
Entry 2
Dear Journal, I have sent out too many messages on those jeweled birds. I believe that my dear Luz has only received a few and may never read the rest. I know not where he is or how he is, but my heart aches faintly under my ivory skin.
At this moment, the castle is buzzing with servants and the loud commanding voice of other royals. I can hear their bellowing voices through the thick mahogany that my door is made from. The entire kingdom is similar to a hornets nest. They are preparing for a grand festival in our ancestor's honor. Tonight loud fireworks will pierce the sky and paint the clouds with light.

Shattered Souls, I Feel TheeI stand silently staring out a shadowed window,
Feeling the coldness in my chest spread like possession,
Rising…rising…burbling and thickening…
Until I cannot prevent the dark stuff from coating my heart entirely…
Dear Lord why can we not live as to live and love as to love?
Why must we be defined by race or gender,
By accents or ancestry?
By mind and voice?
Can we not accept the being souls around us for who they are?
Can we not see that the point behind life is not to be controlled or numbed by society's drug?
I raise my hand to touch the crimson painted glass,
Shock.
I am staring at the faces of several oth

Love in Spirit?Tormented heart,
Hopeless heart,
Why do you continue so?
I fear I will never understand,
And may never even know…
Is it possible to find your true soul,
In a world that devours us whole?
Is it possible to find your care in spirit,
In a world when you're nowhere near it?
Is it odd of me to feel a presence,
Deep within the shadows on my skin?
Whispering something to my heart,
Something I will never interpret for fear of falling,
Sinking, crying….all over again?
I only wish for someone to reach out their hand,
And carry my soul for a while,
As it has become to tortured to cradle in my pale arms anymore.

Ambrosia's IntroductionAmbrosia Larkspur…that is my name….I am a young queen forever destined to live by a restricting set of rules for the better of my kingdom…You do not know me and, in truth, probably never will…I protect my heart very carefully now…I have spent too much of my life cradling an aching heart. You do not know how it is to be captive in your own mind, do you? No. In my mind, I would wish to escape and sing and dance under the calming night sky. I would wish to be myself, to wear whatever I cared, to say what I thought should be said…But no, a queen must obey her code for the good of her future.
I am not me. This is n

The Golden RibbonDo you remember that day,
We were supposed to be studying in Spanish,
But instead you had turned around to talk to me?
I was confused,
No one usually sees me,
But you acted like you did, for the first time…
I had a golden ribbon and was fiddling with it in my hands,
Silently, you reached over and took it,
Sharing its length…
We played with that ribbon while we talked,
The golden sheen weaving in and out of our hands,
That was when you first shocked me, you held my hands and wove the golden ray,
In and out, up and around,
The entire time, I was caught immensely in the intensity of your eyes…
How had I not seen you

Truth and RealityThe warmth there is in a word. Have you seen it? It is expectant and calm…cool and concrete…warm and excitable. There is fire, though, in truth. It burns you up and consumes your heart as you eagerly form an image of letters. Truth and reality are not quite the same, though. Oh? You thought so?
I have news for you, kind soul, reality is harsh. It is thick and repulsive like a stagnant pool, it is as dark and ravenous as tar, and it is a form of death. Those who believe in reality are lost, you see. Reality is a word used by those who cannot possess hope, happiness, or any ideal of yang. Truth is comparable to a human's heart,

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Submitted: November 9, 2012
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A Therian Curse or Blessing

by ~topazcat511, Nov 9, 2012, 7:28:12 PM
Literature / Poetry / Emotional / Free Verse

When I'm near you,
And close my eyes,
I can feel my claws,
My phantom tail weighing on my spine,
The twitching ears perked,
The flattened ridge above a small nose,
Whiskers tingling.

I can imagine everything,
And it feels so weird and amazing and startling and perfect in the same second.
She may have called me a freak, but what I am is more than that.
I am not human, she cannot call me that much for my spirit.

I am feline trapped in a human masquerade,
My slitted irises burning under frosted glass,
And as I close my eyes,
And let you trace my jaw line,
Let you pull back my hair and chuckle,
I'm stuck between two worlds…

One is telling me it is better to shrug off this human skin and be my true self.

The other is telling me that I was meant to be yours in this way,
that I am stuck between two worlds to befriend you…to be here for you and you for me….

For if I was truly feline, I would not be able to speak to you.
I would not be able to laugh at your jokes,
Or play with you the way we do…

Perhaps being stuck is a good thing…
Even though in other ways, it appears a curse.

A Therian Curse or Blessingby ~topazcat511

Literature / Poetry / Emotional / Free Verse

,,,

~~love 0 0~~

joy 1 1

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~~mad 0 0~~

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~~fear 0 0~~

~~neutral 0 0~~

*Ealdeth Nov 22, 2012 Hobbyist General Artist

Very nice job. I can relate to this

~topazcat511 Nov 22, 2012 Hobbyist Writer

I'm glad

*Ealdeth Nov 22, 2012 Hobbyist General Artist

^.=.^

~Kailani-e Nov 13, 2012 Student Traditional Artist

Hmmm, maybe, this is weird, but I think we were put in this body, to help humans. To "fix" them, sort of o_O Does that make sense?

~topazcat511 Nov 14, 2012 Hobbyist Writer

I guess, I don't know. If you think about it, we are animal spirits trapped in this form...perhaps it's for a reason afterall? and we were supposed to help whoever our "masters" are? I don't know, but because I have a different perspective on things, I've always been able to help people I love.

~ArcanusGreywolf Nov 11, 2012

This is fantastic. Captures the feeling so many of us have. Well done!

~topazcat511 Nov 11, 2012 Hobbyist Writer

^^ thanks that means alot

~Rrysva Nov 11, 2012 Hobbyist Digital Artist

With my Otherkin awaken, I feel better now. I know who I am and what I am. But the big question is "Why I'm here? Stuck in this "wrong" body?" I think it's a kind of punishment for things I've done in my previous life...
I have no problems to be an outsider. I'm not like everyone and this is good.
But I know this desire for the "right" Body... I feel so limited in this human body.

~topazcat511 Nov 11, 2012 Hobbyist Writer

that's exactly how it feels! like you're restrained! I don't know for real if it's a past life punishment or not, but like I was trying to show in the piece, is that if we were truly our theriotype, we would miss out on the thing we enjoy as humans...

~Rrysva Nov 11, 2012 Hobbyist Digital Artist

I wouldn't miss a thing as a human. Humans can be so cruel. But I think that every Oherkin/Theriantrope thinks different.

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