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RelapseIt’s like counting
Saturn’s rings,
hash marks
along your limbs -
remembering a time
when

‘just one more’

made you feel better.

- & you’re sitting there
wondering why
Draco, stuck in limbo
always looks like he’s

falling.

Does that make me Different?I wear make up. Does that make me fake?
I cry. Does that make me emo?
I have male friends. Does that make me slutty?
I smile a lot. Does that make me weird?
I laugh loud. Does that make me preppy?
I have anxiety. Does that make me a freak?
I have Bipolar Disorder. Does that make me abnormal?
I respect people. I change for me, and only me. I have a past, but I know I have a future.
Does that make me different?
Maybe.
But at least it makes me
Me.

FrostbiteNumbness
I can’t feel my toes and at first I think
It’s just my toes.
I can cover them up.
I can warm them.

It spreads, like fire,
Like ice.
I glance away for a second, it seems, and my feet are cold
Pat –pat
That’s funny, I didn’t feel that
Maybe I’ll cover them up too
I’ll warm them up.

I’ll take a nap
Maybe a short rest will make it all better, warm them
Up…
What’s that? How long has it been?
My legs… are you still mine..
Why has my breath left me, short?
Has everything but deserted me?

What about you, are you still here?
Are you still with me?
Hello?
And before I can say goodbye, I think my thoughts are leaving me too –

Sleeping Beautyshe’s in love with a character who
never existed but in the labyrinth of her head:
a patchwork composition of beautiful, lengthy words
she’d heard in her catatonic state; coma living
day in and day out, reliant on the salvation
of a man made of foreign wishing
and imperfection and necessity – an ignorance
of the less than ideal perception of self she’d
come to fear, absention stained romantic to the point
where daydreams were a standard for survival

(real living is for the purposeful of heart,
he loves her in her sleep)

UneditedWe cry.
We scream.
We fight for our dream.

We scream.
We cry.
We're just waiting to die.

The same emotions
with a different drive.
Sometimes dead, sometimes alive.

The same in one way,
different in another
brother and sister, sister and brother.

So close in feeling,
so different in the end.
Falling apart, or finally on the mend?

Which am I?
Will I ever know?
Fighting to stay or ready to go?

Maybe I'm both,
in some impossible way.
Emotions oddly mixed everyday.

Wouldn't surprise.
I'm such a freak.
Excuse me, I laugh, I should call it "unique"

WorthlessWorthless,
the name that cuts like a knife,
Me,
it's all that you see inside,
My heart,
is breaking with every breath I take
The lies,
the only thing I can't seem to face.

Battle in my MindEat.
Don't eat.
Take it easy.
Work out until you pass out.
Get help.Tell someone.
Keep it a secret. It's only for you and me.
You're perfect.
You're worthless.
You're beautiful.
You're disgusting.
Why won't you listen?
They don't understand.
Let me help you.
You don't understand.
Show me.
No!
I love you..

In The Daylight

In The Daylight

A false downfall
An unexpected revival

Sunset to moonset
Shining through darkness

Life...redefined
Death...redesigned

In the valley of promises- I will fear no end
On the brink of weakness- I will ascend
-
Roads of the toughest
Paths of the darkest

I conditioned my flawed limits
So fearful memories won't be paralytic

I had to raise my own spirit
Strength and endurance become so vivid

A chance for change / A moment of fate
A time to make peace / A brief feeling of creed
A sealing of my slate / A silencing of my mistakes
A secret ready to be freed / A chain soon-to-be incomplete

Pain and peace are infinite
Judge the wrat

wallflower clippingsthere's scar tissue in her throat,
swollen around the words she never said;
dark rings around her eyes
like planets unremembered, and
a staleness to her touch,
the crystalline Dead Sea.

she's living like a story
that's already been told
"if no one loved you
would you mean anything at all?"

in that moment,
we forget to exist.

Happily AloneHonesty,
She does not have,
Personalities,
She has many of them.

A million shields,
a million personalities,
She's always changing,
to fit every person around her.

If one were to ask why,
she would answer with,
I will never reveal my weaknesses,
because she's evil.

She hates everyone,
stupider than her is barely tolerable,
smarter than her is too scary,
She hates it all.

She leaves the world behind,
To one she has dreamt of,
No color,
nobody else.

Then,
she will smile,
why,
because she is truly happy alone.

She is not evil,
She does not hate you,
She is not dishonest,
She simply wants to be alone.

We are the King and Queen of Broken DreamsStanding still in a mine field, staring at all we have left.
We were so young, we didn’t stop to think.
Now we’re in a car crash, teetering on the brink.
If you were to leave me now, I don’t know what I’d do.

It was a whirl wind romance,
A light when all was black, a spark of something when all was bleak.
You swept me off my feet and made me feel brand new.
I thought we could live forever and I’m certain you did to.

We built a house without foundations
And now we’re falling down,
Everything’s crumbling around us, time slipping through out fingertips.
People used to walk past us but they were to drunk to see,
That our lives are coming apart around us, there is no light as far as we can see.

There was no fire to start with,
Just two broken things, the world had left behind.
The casualties of other people’s dreams of power, money and control,
Spat out onto the curb to rot away and die.
We never stood a chance or so

LonelyLonely.
Unnoticed.
People don't even look
when they walk by.
Always ignored...
Nobody even asks my ideas,
my opinion.
Nobody even knows
who I am.
When people see me,
they either ignore me,
or ask a question:
"Who are you?"
But they don't even bother
to listen to my response:
"I'm Canada."
Forgotton.
Forgotton by everyone.
Forgotton by my friends, my allies.
Maybe one day
Someone will remember my name.
Canada.

Her SideTomorrow she'll be gone,
but what can you say?
Nothing can help her.
The pain won't go away.

But she would've stopped,
you could've said no.
That's what she wanted,
someone to say don't go.

That someone wanted her,
or at least would try.
That someone would grieve
if she were to die.

But you just stared,
nodding your head,
and she realized the truth
with a feeling of dread.

No one wanted her.
No one cared.
Not even you,
with the the love you shared.

So she said good-bye,
and you watched her leave.
She may have had the rope,
but now you can't breathe.

Falling off the EdgeDo you know what it feels like?
To nearly fall off the edge,
but not quite...
just so that you're dangling;
clinging for your worthless life
lest it fall into the sea of loneliness.
Your callused, pink fingers turning
to a shade of purplish-red of pain
as it does it best to hold on.

Splash.

In the sea of loneliness,
everything is crisp, translucent.
There is nothing around you,
you are alone...
unlike other people,
you have no one
clamouring to save you;
you have no one
diving in to get you out.

There is no point
screaming for help,
you will only waste
the little time and air you have left.
You only have the darkness
of the sea envelop

Honesty Written

from the

heart.

No eraser.

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Who has the truth?Okay, so,
I've got emotional issues....I'm heartbroken and longing for a man I will never be with,
I've got religious issues...because I'm curious about the truth. And myself.
I've got family issues...I can't even trust my blood relatives...
I've got personal issues....like I said, they're personal.
I want to be Buddhist, but I'm afraid of giving up the things and people I'm attached to, AND I'm afraid of my families opinion.
I want to be me. I want to be free.
I want to know the truth about who I am.
I need guidance.
I need the truth....
About who I am.

The Spirits' CallEverything I try to do,
Is somehow stepped aside,
I know so many things I desire to,
But sadly can't decide.

I know that what they think is wrong,
And as such I'm severely stressed,
I can only grit my teeth and remember,
That life is a bitter test.

Surely times will arrive,
When I want to curl up and hide,
But I've already wasted enough time,
Doting on how I've tried.

Stop! Move on, continue your course,
You have not a day to spare,
I reach out and try to grasp the reason to it all,
But alas, I capture air.

Why must I continue on,
In such a hurry and desperation,
I've wasted all my younger years,
With strict rules and prepa

The Sisters' BondThere once was an owl,
Who perched in her tree,
Who sat in her shadow,
And grumbled all night.

There once was a cat,
Who slept near the tree,
She scratched her claws deep in the bark,
Biting her tongue as she cried.

One night, when neither of them received rest,
The cat cried a little too loud,
The owl swooped down to silence her,
But noticed something quite strange.

Both the owl and the cat had similar eyes,
Both hardened and lost by life's trials and tests,
Silently smiling to the other,
They created a bond.
A pact.

"If you'll be there for me, then I'll be there for you.
You are my sister in heart, rather than blood,
And

After all....is it my fault?After all the tears,
After all the screaming,
After everything taken away and returned,

After all the romantic dreams,
desperate schemes,
After every sorrowful memory,
And hurtful reasoning,
I still wear the golden ring,

I still think about every second,
I still dream about you sleeping beside me,
I still remember your laugh and your soft voice,
I still hurt, deep inside my heart,

Because part of me wonders…
If the reason we aren't together…
Is because I'm too weak to stand up for myself.

And part of me still wonders…
If you've thought about that too

My Guardian OrionEvery night and early morning,
On the long walk to the lamppost,
That glimmers softly in the blue darkness,
I would gaze at the sky and search for him.
Orion.

He lay across the vast sky,
Kept watch over me,
I would watch him shift and sleep,
Ever month, every year,
And he was always there,
Orion.

On the long ride to school,
On a bus contaminated with stupidity and numbness,
I would gaze out the muggy window,
And search the flying skies for my constant guardian,
Orion.

For even if people change,
If snakes indeed shed their skins and lash out with venomous intentions,
For even if I feel lost without a guide,
I know he will a

Therian ThoughtsI can feel her,
Tensed up and ready to strike,
It's almost like a rubber band,
That's been stretched too thin.
Such tension,
Her golden eyes waiting for the band to snap,
And then, she'll pounce.

I can feel her when I'm angry,
When I'm annoyed and stressed,
She purrs and reminds me,
Of what she would do if she were let out.

Strike, Claw, Snarl, Growl,…attack.
But then she also compels me, this beautiful cat.
She is truly beautiful,
Wise,
Patient,
Calm,
She is the best and worst part of me all together.
When I am angered to the cliff's dangerous edge,
I can feel her stretching her lean muscles,
Preparing to take over

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Submitted: September 18, 2012
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Canvas

by ~topazcat511, Sep 18, 2012, 2:09:45 PM
Literature / Poetry / Emotional / Free Verse

The staining ink of your darkest Sharpie,
The bitter scent both relaxing and startling…
The gentle tug of felted tips and pen on skin…
Just rest my head down,
Let the shivers take me,
I wish you could experience something similar,
But I wouldn't know how to explain,
How wonderful it feels,
When I become your canvas.

Closing my eyes,
I listen to your steady breaths,
Your soft but precise movements on my skin,
My arm stretched across the cool wood,
My knuckles lightly touching your chest…
I think, if I lay still enough,
I can feel your heartbeat through my skin…
When you set that ink upon my skin,
I forget about everything bothering me,
Everything hurting me…
And let the shivers consume me,
When I become your canvas.