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A Therian Curse or BlessingWhen I'm near you,
And close my eyes,
I can feel my claws,
My phantom tail weighing on my spine,
The twitching ears perked,
The flattened ridge above a small nose,
I can imagine everything,
And it feels so weird and amazing and startling and perfect in the same second.
She may have called me a freak, but what I am is more than that.
I am not human, she cannot call me that much for my spirit.
I am feline trapped in a human masquerade,
My slitted irises burning under frosted glass,
And as I close my eyes,
And let you trace my jaw line,
Let you pull back my hair and chuckle,
I'm stuck between two worlds…
One is telling me it is better to shrug off this human skin and be my true self.
The other is telling me that I was meant to be yours in this way,
that I am stuck between two worlds to befriend you…to be here for you and you for me….
For if I was truly feline, I would not be able to speak to you.
I would not be able to laugh at your jokes,
Or play with you the way
Your Feline Shadow...Go ahead and tell me,
Your darkest deepest fear,
Whisper it, type it slow,
And never let them hear
Because you know how much I care,
You know what I really mean,
And because I care so deeply,
You're secret's safe with me.
Go ahead and tell me,
Who you really love,
Whisper it, and type it slow,
And never let them know
Because you know that I still care,
So I'll never tell you no,
I'll support your whims on hand,
And never to let go.
So go ahead and tie the string,
Draw the face of my true soul,
Tickle, laugh, and trick me, boy,
But you have to know,
That these games make it difficult,
They make it oh so hard
I care for you,
And yet you're not sure..... who you care for
And I can't let go
I'll be here,
Waiting, smiling, laughing, and playing as always seen.
I'll be here,
Hoping, trusting, caring, and saying what I mean
And you'll be there,
Swaying to and fro,
Never knowing who to love
I'm your feline shadow, boy,
Did He Just Say....The words drifted in the air,
Like silver sugar lacing my smile,
I feel the skin around my eyes and neck warm and tint with red,
I cast down my eyes and smile,
There they are,
His fingers in my hair again,
Tapping and playing,
But all I can hear are those words
Dancing through my head like perfect hallucinations,
But he said them .he did
."We could be" ..
CanvasThe staining ink of your darkest Sharpie,
The bitter scent both relaxing and startling
The gentle tug of felted tips and pen on skin
Just rest my head down,
Let the shivers take me,
I wish you could experience something similar,
But I wouldn't know how to explain,
How wonderful it feels,
When I become your canvas.
Closing my eyes,
I listen to your steady breaths,
Your soft but precise movements on my skin,
My arm stretched across the cool wood,
My knuckles lightly touching your chest
I think, if I lay still enough,
I can feel your heartbeat through my skin
When you set that ink upon my skin,
I forget about everything bothering me,
Everything hurting me
And let the shivers consume me,
When I become your canvas.
Please....Remind Me...Falling through their split-laced curtain,
Their venom-gilded web,
I extend my hand towards their bitter cackling,
Trying to hold on to my existence .
They are my blood,
They are my family,
But every glance is two-faceted,
And every remark is double its original worth.
They will never accept me,
They will never understand,
And the metallic sharpness,
Creates acid from their lips,
And the stinging denial,
Gives birth to underlying hatred.
I dance between both worlds known to me,
But I'd prefer to be in only one.
I lie through my teeth daily,
I put on a show and pretend,
And I constantly remind myself I am stronger,
I will survive their sickening trials .
If I know that I am stronger,
That I can do this until I am free,
Then why do I find myself holding myself together at night,
Crying in the corner of a chilled shower tile,
Wondering why I never feel like I have a future,
Where they will accept me for what I am doing and have been doing
Here, In My HandsH e r e
In my hands
Barely holding on to my flushed fingertips,
Is a dream.
Just an ordinary day dream,
One held precious and known only to me
But within this fantasy, is a hidden promise
A promise and a question,
H e r e
I cup my hands and let the starlight ruffle it's feathers,
Like a bird of thread, with eyes of gold
Do you understand how fragile it is?
If you unravel it enough, you will find what's left of my heart,
Since I broke it in two for you.
H e r e
Underneath this twilight canvas,
I hold my hands up to you and watch your eyes change,
Don't you understand
Don't you even have an idea
Of what this delicate wisp of a daydream,
To Kiss A GhostSlowly the drug pulls down my veins,
Pulling my hand in purpled waters,
Dragging me down into a misty realm,
Of lavender smoke
Landing in a chilled crystal lake,
The ripples lapping against my legs,
I lift my eyes and see someone
A shadow of... someone
He reaches out a hand to me and touches my neck,
With the other, pulls me closer
It was like kissing a ghost,
He was there, and then... he wasn't
I never met his true self,
But I knew him then, and only then
My hair ruffled through his fingers,
Rough and red,
His skin was cool and fading,
I never knew what it was
To love a ghost
I, I am ForbiddenOh Lord , how I'm afraid.
I'm afraid that my secret will become known.
Those of my own blood chain me down and say I'm free,
They mock me before kissing me goodnight.
And for this reason, I have hidden how I think,
How I am,
From them all.
These words are typed in secrecy,
These thoughts forbidden to exist,
This heart forbidden to thrum with the blood of an open mind.
I am forbidden.
Oh Lord, how I'm afraid.
I'm afraid that I will never be free.
Because the only way I can truly be free is to break secrecy,
And that is too dangerous a border to cross...
And much too painful
No daughter should hide her heart because of her mother's scorn,
No daughter should cry names into palms and erase the evidence of her pain,
No daughter should be forbidden
And I believe the worst thing of all is that they only know half of how they've cornered me.
They don't know how they have barred my way,
And burned my blood to scar my soul .
They don't know how truly they have made it so,
I am f
My Morning BattleI look in the mirror,
Apply that last bit of eye make-up
Twist the brush,
Swoop the glittery powder
Standing back and smiling,
My reflection retorts .distorts
I hear a hiss in my ear,
"Look at you, you love every person who talks to you... so pathetic so naiive so trusting ..such a fool."
I close my eyes tightly, I grip the edge of the counter, my knuckles white.
"Look at you, you don't know when to stop do you?.....so eager so loving so innocent such a fool."
I bite my lip and refuse to look at her,
This hissing demoness who resides behind my eyes my dark brown eyes .
"Look at me!" she exclaims, "I will protect you, foolish girl,"
She fans around me like a cloth of smoke,
"I will protect your foolish heart, and never let anyone touch it again .you bruis
Ode to TaxidermyTaxidermy, my love of taxidermy
You'd never understand how much you mean to me
To give a life to one that's gone away
Instead to give a new life to live another day
A concept where they can be loved again
In the world of taxidermy, death is no end
A beautiful creature who can still be seen
Taxidermy can only show love, no hate inbetween
I adore the sight of an animal who stands
An animal who gets to stay by the work of human hands
An animal had died and it had no choice
Taxidermy allows it to stand, taxidermy gives them a voice
A Cruel Sport of DeathMaybe I keep looking back into your eyes because I hope I can feel you look back at me.
I can't stop doing it, but I know you will never look back.
That is simple, and I hate to realize it.
Beads cannot see.
Those aren't eyes, they are beads!
Round glass orbs inside your skull.
That is if your skull is still inside there.
Not too sure they left it in there, after all, you aren't all there anyway.
You stay frozen in a snarl.
Fake glistening teeth that glimmer in the light.
I am almost certain you would not like to stay that way, in a vulgar pose you would be forced into.
Why couldn't they have respected you?
At least give you a peaceful, kind pose?
I feel something stir inside me, as if my heart came alive.
It wakes up and looks out through my eyes.
Then I feel like I fall deeper into despair.
Something even worse happens.
The energy I feel moves over and I feel it change.
Larger, much larger, and a warmer feeling.
An angry warm feeling starts to bud into my veins.
It looks up too.
Drifting MemoriesPulling covers over chilled shoulders,
Closing my eyes to the setting sun,
I feel my lips pinch in a small smile,
As I remember everything about you that makes my days special.
Every moment spent, every text sent,
I smile, knowing that you are mine,
And I sleep into dreams of holding your hand,
And kisses in courtyards,
Darkened rooms and bleachers,
Special memories take my hand,
And guide my heart to the reasons why I need you.
As long as I can dance the dance of both worlds,
Tread that fine line and remember my lies,
You'll be mine, and I'll be yours.
dead dog julyI.
the summer heat lays limp in the city’s lap,
breathing long oppressive breaths.
it does not even lift its lolling head
to bark out hoarse indignancy
when a strange man brings the mail.
there might be heavy rain today,
brought by some swollen, murmuring cloud.
the world will whirl and howl,
then settle down,
to die a little more.
o, quickly, love,
press your back against the wall in fear
as the universe spreads her arms and
shuts her eyes
and starts to summon the end of all things.
come with me
to the place of windows full of speechless afternoon
hot windy whispers of half-formed solutions and resolutions,
sweltering sunlit meadows we’ll wander and then forget.
o quickly, love,
let’s to the season of forgetting
and unwind all of our harshest memories
and fill the universe’s mouth
with mute cotton.
i’ll whisper these words to you some evening
with all my exigency in the hand i rest on your arm—
AndromedaAmongst the darkened skies
Brightened by only starlight
Field & Sea.
Gravity is only an afterthought
Hilltops become ladders into the sky while
Inferior planets stare down upon the Earth
Jealous of such simplicity yet contemplating grandeur.
Keppler only thought of science
Linear, elliptical, movement…
Mythology had no such thoughts
Neptune & Nebulas both inhabit space
Orbiting across the lonely darkness
Probably never worried about mundane things
Questioning their existence
Right now or for all eternity such as us.
Shooting stars make us joyful while
Terminator is an otherworldly spectacle
Unknown to all those hidden in their houses
Various stars await us outside
Waiting to play like we did before
Xenagogue & inviting
Youthful but ancient curiosities.
Zenith induced euphoria continues until daylight…
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