[x]

RelapseIt’s like counting
Saturn’s rings,
hash marks
along your limbs -
remembering a time
when

‘just one more’

made you feel better.

- & you’re sitting there
wondering why
Draco, stuck in limbo
always looks like he’s

falling.

UneditedWe cry.
We scream.
We fight for our dream.

We scream.
We cry.
We're just waiting to die.

The same emotions
with a different drive.
Sometimes dead, sometimes alive.

The same in one way,
different in another
brother and sister, sister and brother.

So close in feeling,
so different in the end.
Falling apart, or finally on the mend?

Which am I?
Will I ever know?
Fighting to stay or ready to go?

Maybe I'm both,
in some impossible way.
Emotions oddly mixed everyday.

Wouldn't surprise.
I'm such a freak.
Excuse me, I laugh, I should call it "unique"

Battle in my MindEat.
Don't eat.
Take it easy.
Work out until you pass out.
Get help.Tell someone.
Keep it a secret. It's only for you and me.
You're perfect.
You're worthless.
You're beautiful.
You're disgusting.
Why won't you listen?
They don't understand.
Let me help you.
You don't understand.
Show me.
No!
I love you..

WorthlessWorthless,
the name that cuts like a knife,
Me,
it's all that you see inside,
My heart,
is breaking with every breath I take
The lies,
the only thing I can't seem to face.

In The Daylight

In The Daylight

A false downfall
An unexpected revival

Sunset to moonset
Shining through darkness

Life...redefined
Death...redesigned

In the valley of promises- I will fear no end
On the brink of weakness- I will ascend
-
Roads of the toughest
Paths of the darkest

I conditioned my flawed limits
So fearful memories won't be paralytic

I had to raise my own spirit
Strength and endurance become so vivid

A chance for change / A moment of fate
A time to make peace / A brief feeling of creed
A sealing of my slate / A silencing of my mistakes
A secret ready to be freed / A chain soon-to-be incomplete

Pain and peace are infinite
Judge the wrat

Ode to the boy with diamonds for eyesI think we were a collision course waiting to happen
And when I think back to the day when we first
Stumbled across one another, red sneakers hanging off gutters
Cherry cola voice overs and dilated pupils
We led one another on to believe in the night sky of connect the dot constellations

You wanted to dissect me and peer into the insides of my lungs
Only to find witches breath and dandelions
Slicing iron vowels you locked your hands in mine
And we fell into the static of dreaming disease
The operating table broke away to reveal a sky that never existed
And we couldn't help but laugh at the irony
Because wishing was never an option
The ane

wallflower clippingsthere's scar tissue in her throat,
swollen around the words she never said;
dark rings around her eyes
like planets unremembered, and
a staleness to her touch,
the crystalline Dead Sea.

she's living like a story
that's already been told
"if no one loved you
would you mean anything at all?"

in that moment,
we forget to exist.

Our MasksThe masks we wear are perfect
Never loose and rarely tight
They keep us safe from others
And keep our demons out of sight

They smile when we are broken
And laugh when we simply must
No blemish or imperfection
A creation that will never rust.

I seldom ever remember
Who I am without my mask
That to peel off that layer
Is such a daunting task

All others carry one as well
Wherever they may go
And no matter what is on their minds
Only the molded mask will show.

The lies they preach in public
Or the scars along their wrists
Are left mute to others knowledge
Ignorance is such a splendid gift

My mask is oh so perfect
Not a crack will show
Alway

We are the King and Queen of Broken DreamsStanding still in a mine field, staring at all we have left.
We were so young, we didn’t stop to think.
Now we’re in a car crash, teetering on the brink.
If you were to leave me now, I don’t know what I’d do.

It was a whirl wind romance,
A light when all was black, a spark of something when all was bleak.
You swept me off my feet and made me feel brand new.
I thought we could live forever and I’m certain you did to.

We built a house without foundations
And now we’re falling down,
Everything’s crumbling around us, time slipping through out fingertips.
People used to walk past us but they were to drunk to see,
That our lives are coming apart around us, there is no light as far as we can see.

There was no fire to start with,
Just two broken things, the world had left behind.
The casualties of other people’s dreams of power, money and control,
Spat out onto the curb to rot away and die.
We never stood a chance or so

LonelyLonely.
Unnoticed.
People don't even look
when they walk by.
Always ignored...
Nobody even asks my ideas,
my opinion.
Nobody even knows
who I am.
When people see me,
they either ignore me,
or ask a question:
"Who are you?"
But they don't even bother
to listen to my response:
"I'm Canada."
Forgotton.
Forgotton by everyone.
Forgotton by my friends, my allies.
Maybe one day
Someone will remember my name.
Canada.

Her SideTomorrow she'll be gone,
but what can you say?
Nothing can help her.
The pain won't go away.

But she would've stopped,
you could've said no.
That's what she wanted,
someone to say don't go.

That someone wanted her,
or at least would try.
That someone would grieve
if she were to die.

But you just stared,
nodding your head,
and she realized the truth
with a feeling of dread.

No one wanted her.
No one cared.
Not even you,
with the the love you shared.

So she said good-bye,
and you watched her leave.
She may have had the rope,
but now you can't breathe.

Falling off the EdgeDo you know what it feels like?
To nearly fall off the edge,
but not quite...
just so that you're dangling;
clinging for your worthless life
lest it fall into the sea of loneliness.
Your callused, pink fingers turning
to a shade of purplish-red of pain
as it does it best to hold on.

Splash.

In the sea of loneliness,
everything is crisp, translucent.
There is nothing around you,
you are alone...
unlike other people,
you have no one
clamouring to save you;
you have no one
diving in to get you out.

There is no point
screaming for help,
you will only waste
the little time and air you have left.
You only have the darkness
of the sea envelop

Honesty Written

from the

heart.

No eraser.

Lost In ConfusionLost In Confusion

My mind is spinning without a rest
Emotions whirl and twirl around
A merry-go-round gaining speed
Until the world blurrs before my eyes
What's happening? What's going on?

The simplest thought slips away
Right from my mind, fading so fast
Trying to focus, I stare and stare
Until my eyes are heavy and unclear.
I don't understand, what is going on..

Emotions rise and fall again
Within the blink of an eye
I'm crying, laughing, and depressed
A roller-coaster ride that never ends
Am I losing my mind in this?

I try to close my eyes and rest
But the world spins me around
I feel like I am failing this test
Voices and noises echo

Deactivatedthere are voids and black holes
and wounds,
papercuts sinking deep into
finger fissures
only to meet the unmarred love
of bones, strong and
bare and pure.

dark oceans are bleached
into tears that leave nothing
but sea salt in my lips

and my words are injustice
to the death of
your poetry.

this is me
drowning,
trying to be
you

trying to preserve the ardor
of your words
and the honey sweet taste
of your passion

it's also
how my lungs work
(when I don't read something from you
I die more than a little on the inside).

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The Threshold's LostTake a deep breath,
I’m at the threshold,
A new beginning,
A new freedom…

Nervous,
Excited,
Scared,
But delighted,
I can do this…

And I catch myself thinking,
I’m gonna miss this,
How we are all together,
Our group,
Our daily antics with each other…
More than likely they’ll disintegrate into nothing…
Just….
Gone…

More than likely,
Seeing as how it’s happened before…
College is like a portal with no U-turn,
You step over that threshold,
And try to hold hands with everyone you love,
But some how…
You come out in a new world,
Where everything is fore

Just Once, Never TwiceWith bitter hearts,
And poisoned eyes,
I cover my shoulders with my expectations,
Hoping that you will just leave,

Because you once brought me light,
But I never looked back at the shadows you hid from me,

And you once brought me sweet tonics to coat my tongue,
But I never read the side effects,

With a wary gaze,
And a darker blood,
I turn my head and listen to your steady breaths,
Hoping that you will just leave,

Because you once made me laugh so loud,
But I never knew the air I took in was poisoned,

And you once held my hand and encouraged me to live,
But I never knew you were lost worse than I,

And you once told me I was beautiful,

The Black Swan, The Dark QueenThe way her mind fell apart,
The way she strived to be perfect in the eyes of everyone,
The way she lost herself within the darkness of her mind,
Her eyes bloodshot,
Curtained and dark,
Her body constantly abused,
By herself and by others,
All of this…
And all the criticism,
And all the expectancy,
And all the eyes watching,
Pictures moving, mocking…
To be a girl…To be a woman under the eyes of her talent,
The wings of her superiors,
The voice of obsession,
The stress, the pain,
And yet the strained beauty between her passion,
And her demons…

Leaves me wondering in my shadows,
Comparing,
And oddly, admiring.
The

God, that musicGod, that music,
It was pulsing through the floor,
I could feel it like an earthquake,
Pulsing through my veins into my heart.

God, that music,
It was like a drug I’ve never tasted,
It melted into my skin,
And numbed my skull with colored vibrations.

God, that music,
I watched the ceiling as the stars danced across,
And I could hear the heartbeats of everyone around me,
All of us were entranced by the rhythm and the song.

God, that music,
I could only smile as I laughed and searched for familiar eyes,
The changing lights casting colors upon us,
All of us, like a hormonal sea.

And God, that music,
Was the best thing I’ve ever t

My Own Worst Enemy...Is ME.....Sometimes I fill in the spaces for what people are thinking,
I don’t read their minds,
Or even their facial expressions,
I just fill in what my self-criticizing mind deems appropriate.
“Look at her,” like a phantom whisper,
“Look at how she holds herself…”
“There’s something wrong with her…”
“She’s crazy…”
“What is with her anyway…?”
“Didn’t she used to wear a tail?”
“I’ve seen her bite her friends for fun, and they LET her…&rd

Counting Down From Hatred / 999999 drops of silver rain slash against the driver’s window,
Cramped arrangements on the rattling bus are made,
I am alert but wary,
Worn from the day,
And too eager to get home.

And as I wait for the passerby to situate,
A buffoon of unknown proportions sits next me,
Too close to me.
His lips jut out from his teeth,
And he reminds me of a gorilla.

He is a brute, known to most,
One who takes advantage of his size and intimidates,
My eyes look to the side,
My form goes stiff,
And I take a slow breath.

He laughs and jokes and pops his gum,
The sickening idiot who grabs anything,
(as women are obviously toys to him)
Anything round and

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Submitted: September 4, 2012
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Here, In My Hands

by ~topazcat511, Sep 4, 2012, 7:44:13 PM
Literature / Poetry / Emotional / Free Verse

H e r e
In my hands…
Barely holding on to my flushed fingertips,
Is a dream.

Just an ordinary day dream,
One held precious and known only to me…
But within this fantasy, is a hidden promise…
A promise and a question,

         H e r e
I cup my hands and let the starlight ruffle it's feathers,
Like a bird of thread, with eyes of gold…
Do you understand how fragile it is?
If you unravel it enough, you will find what's left of my heart,
Since I broke it in two for you.

                   H e r e
Underneath this twilight canvas,
I hold my hands up to you and watch your eyes change,
Don't you understand…
Don't you even have an idea…
Of what this delicate wisp of a daydream,
Could be…

                            H e r e
If I place it in your hands,
I trust you with my heart,
If you let it fall,
It will unravel and become a tangle of doubt…
Don't you understand…
What I'm trying to whisper to you as you sleep so far away?

Here, In My Handsby ~topazcat511

Literature / Poetry / Emotional / Free Verse

just something from the depths of my mind and heart before I go to bed, no biggy

hope you like it

love 1 1

joy 1 1

wow 2 2

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~DevlinTheBlack Sep 6, 2012

Hope granted, I like it

~WhiteWolf614 Sep 5, 2012 Hobbyist Writer

That was really great! As the Alpha said, very inspirational and different. Nice work!

~topazcat511 Sep 5, 2012 Hobbyist Writer

thank you so much

~WhiteWolf614 Sep 5, 2012 Hobbyist Writer

No problem!

~the-alpha1 Sep 5, 2012 Hobbyist Traditional Artist

wow, very inspirational, you are something entirly diffrent, you can be something great, i know it, keep on writingand be somewhere else then just deviantart, but it is a start. You'll do great things in writing, i know it. Good job!

~topazcat511 Sep 5, 2012 Hobbyist Writer

Holy cow thats one of the nicest things I've ever received as feedback! thanks! ^_^

~the-alpha1 Sep 5, 2012 Hobbyist Traditional Artist

it's nothing, i'm just helping a fellow writer, not many of us left in the world.

~topazcat511 Sep 5, 2012 Hobbyist Writer

too true

~the-alpha1 Sep 5, 2012 Hobbyist Traditional Artist

yeah ,keep up the great work you'll do something great.

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Here, In My Handsby ~topazcat511

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