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You'll Never Catch MeThere,
In the center of the prison,
Sways a starved young woman.
She drifts side to side,
Swinging from her rusted manacles.
"You'll never catch me, my dears," she sings,
"You'll never capture my soul,"
"As long as I still breathe, my dears,"
"My spirit will be whole!"
She chuckles and sighs,
Tears in her eyes,
Staining her irises red,
This acrobatic game she plays,
Fills her veins with lead.
"I will stay here, however long, and you will never see,"
"I can sing, here, in my cell,"
"But, my dears, you'll never catch me!"
The Clockwork Doll's ReflectionThe clockwork doll stumbles home,
She cries oil on her bed,
Falling to the floor she splits her side,
And pulls out her broken heart.
It's large but rusted,
Hardened and dark,
Thorns have grown around it,
A weed with one red bud.
Gasping she fingers the bud,
Its beauty precious and young,
How can something so beautiful,
Bring so much torment and pain?
Placing her heart back in her chest,
She seals the seams and stands,
In the mirror, a human girl cries,
Her brown hair draping down across her arms.
Around her on the floor,
Are scattered papers and sketches.
Swinging from her hand,
Is a ring on a cord.
The clockwork doll steps towards the mirror,
And places her silver hand on the glass,
From inside the mirror,
The human girl sniffs, and sighs,
Smiling up at her half-heartedly,
Strong Enough...A shivering breath,
A chill on the skin,
The continuous twittering of the southern crickets,
And a little girl, curled in her bed.
Just a little brown-headed girl,
All tucked in without a care,
Her dreams take her across the world and under the sea,
With Disney-fied promises of true love and happy endings.
How simple it really was,
Back before that girl became me
She used to fantasize and dream during both turns of the Sun,
And never feared anything or anyone.
She loved both her mother and her father,
Her little baby sister and her pups and kittens,
She loved everything.
She knew nothing.
That little brown-headed girl never knew her mother's bitter heart as well as I do now,
And she never knew her sister would change,
She never knew her father would nearly work himself to death each night,
And she didn't know that money controlled the world.
She never knew that she'd be criticized for her body by others,
For her mind and spirit by her own blood-kin,
She never knew that one day, s
I Won't Exist...I sit here on a sunken bed,
Surrounded by bright, meaningless colors,
The room itself numbed by patterns and details,
So many treasures,
So many "important" awards, trophies,
So many perfectly stacked books,
So many perfectly arranged pictures of a perfectly posing girl,
All of it means nothing, NOTHING!!!
And yet everything
Every little freaking thing in this little freaking room,
Is a part, a piece, a puzzle,
Of my existence All of this is me as I exist in their eyes .
Sometimes I just want to sweep my arm across the dresser,
Throw everything to the floor,
Watch the cheap perfume bottles shatter, sending hazy fumes into the air.
Sometimes, I just want to stab a knife through the paintings,
ripping straight down and leave the canvas flying.
Breaking all the sculptures, decided I won't exist anymore.
Sometimes, I just really want to break these windows I sleep by,
And slip my pale legs through the shattered glass.
I want to hold the match and let it lick my finger,
Whisper to MeWhisper to me in my hair,
Tell me if you're real,
Tell me all the sacred things,
I never thought I'd feel.
Whisper to me in my neck,
Tell me if I'm sane,
Tell me that you miss me,
And you'll hold my hand again.
Whisper to me in my back,
Tell me our love remained,
Tell me that you still care,
And your heart, my words have stained.
Stand up, Now!Out the window,
Through the sky,
The dawn ignites my way,
I see across the world's rounded skin,
And cry tears of rain,
For all the pain.
I am trying to call out to you,
"Breathe, Live, Remember!"
But not a single soul is listening,
We are all bound by our own chains of self-disgust and anger.
I will run to you,
Across the lands,
Across the seas.
Raise you up by your shoulders,
"Stand up, Now!"
Wipe your tears,
Shed your skin,
Break your chains,
Let your life begin.
"Now! Stand up, Now!"
Screaming in frustration,
I drain my blood and give a little to you all,
In hopes that you will breathe,
In hopes that you will live,
In hopes that you will remember.
I have spread my blood so thin around the skies,
The dawn is tinted crimson and maroon,
My voice is tired from casting it around the world,
Now it is only the winds' whisper.
My body is so drained and weak,
I lay under the elder maple tree,
My skin translucent and paper-like.
Slowly, a shadow,
Life is Short, Love is QuickWhat usually happens when one finds a true love? And I don't mean a soul-mate, twin-flame kind of love, I mean that kind of love that ignites your skin and makes your blood rush with excitement at his/her name? What usually happens? The girl most likely falls for the guy first, in most occasions. Thus, she hides her feelings because it would be considered "improper" or for some other reason. Or perhaps the young man falls for the lass quicker? And he doesn't whisper a word to her in fear of rejection or something else something deeper. Either way, the genders hide their true thoughts of the other because of uncertainty on a matter. And I can't stand this at all.
If a man were to love me, in spirit or in blood, I pray that he have enough strength and courage to tell me what he truly thinks of me. I want the truth, not tip-toeing around the subject. And yet, am I not being hypocritical? I have had tons of crushes, as any other human being in this world, and onl
A Mother's HateWhat am I to do?
Other than silently scream,
Crying tears poisoned by your hate,
And holding my hands so tight my fingers ache?
What am I to do?
When you twist my words to make them disrespectful,
When you claim I'm stupid and naïve, retarded and clueless,
And the only blood-sister I have spits out your own insults as she pleases?
What am I to do?
Other than hide online and secretly write my thoughts,
Shaking my head and staring off into space,
Standing there as you rant on and on .and on .?
What am I to do?
When you tell me you want me out,
And that you can't wait until the world ruins me?
Ruins me until I turn into you?
What am I to do?
Other than hide in my room,
Surrounded by pointless treasures .
Shadowed paintings and dusty sculptures
What am I to do?
When you made me feel like this before,
Nothing mattered anymore .
And I only felt the pain that comes from a mother's hate.
Pressure to ChangeIt frightens me truly,
That one last step
It's like leaning toward a chasm,
So deep you can smell the smoke from hell.
"You have to do this, and this, and that"
"You must apply for this, pass this, buy that"
So much pressure,
So little time,
So much expected of me of my talents my mind.
Hold my hand, so that when I jump into the darkness,
I know that you will be there .
Whisper my name, so that when I forget who I am in fear,
I will remember my true spirit's flame.
I do not want to fail,
I cannot disappoint you,
I have to win,
I have to make this look good,
I have to make you proud.
Where does this stress come from?
I know you don't force it on me
When will I be able to accept that it's okay to make mistakes?
And that it's okay to be me?
Denial.I know I'm in denial,
Saying I don't love her.
But I still say it all the while,
Because I have been hurt.
I know I should stop this,
I know I should just face it.
But I can't face up to this,
I can only run away from it.
I know that I still love her,
I would take her back in a heartbeat,
But as I can't have her,
I lie to myself, looking down at my feet.
I know that I still love her,
But Denial is my only friend.
MasksWith big smiles she greeted her friends,
Drowning in the crowd of people.
How many claimed to be her loved ones?
Hundreds? Thousands? She lost count long ago.
They welcomed her with jokes and laughter,
and she replied with hugs and kisses,
Pretending not to see the cracks in their masks
Or the lies in their voices.
She knew they were hiding something,
She heard the whispers behind her back,
Saw the greed behind their smiles,
And sensed their hatred long ago.
And every day she felt another part
Of her soul breaking away.
At night she tried to fix it,
Trying to reattach the broken pieces,
But as the time went by she realized
That the harder she tried, the faster she broke.
And so she continued what she had once started,
Acting cheerful, while breaking apart,
slowly creating her own mask
To hide her true self.
Until one day she met you,
The girl who refused to wear a disguise,
A big grin in your face,
And true kindness in your words.
Your left hand you had outstretched,
In your right you
The ShameDo you want to look inside,
This tortured teenage mind.
View the fragments of a broken childhood,
That she can't leave behind.
Note the twisted torment,
That snakes across her skin,
And know that it exposes,
the pain she hides within.
Watch her try to hide,
The Scars, The burns, the Shame!
the web of self destruction,
She uses to mask her pain.
This girl is damaged goods,
That's what they always say,
Someone they would rather tease and jest,
Than help her find another way.
Without You.And as the blood runs off of this blade,
And drips out onto this far out glade.
I really wish I'd told you no,
I really wish I had told you "don't go".
And as the tears ran from your eye,
I wish I could've made them dry.
But right now I wish more than anything,
That you were mine, because I am nothing.
Humble Mediocrity.I see the truth in your web of lies,
It's hard to see when you use your eyes.
Problem is, I'm a liar too.
I knew exactly where to look for you.
You're living one of your lies,
As you watch through the eyes,
Of humble mediocrity.
I'm here because someone has heard your plea.
You look at me and you scream for help,
Whilst saying nothing at all and not wanting to tell.
But that's not why I came,
I'm here because of what I became.
I came because I know what you can do,
Because I was once someone just like you.
I was once like you, living a lie.
Which is why I'm here - to silence your cry.
I came because you are a danger to me,
As you watch through your humble mediocrity.
Takes one to know one and I like my privacy,
So please forgive me because I am sorry.
As I look into your dead eyes,
With the potential to see through my lies.
I killed you for you saw my grand life as it really is
- Humble Mediocrity.
Bitter SweetSo ends a tragedy years in the making
So many smiles I wasted time faking
Everything now is a bitter sweet end
So is this how we move on my friend
Gotta say I just don't know how you do it
How you amass all the strength to get through it
Aim to commit and alone here I sit and
I'm scared to death, that I'll gladly admit
One for the money
Two for the show
Three to get ready
Four to go
Five and I wonder
Dead or alive
Six and seven
I'm in heaven~
I want to dieI'll slit my throat from ear to ear,
I'll watch your party from hell, as you cheer.
"You okay?" I shake my head.
I hate my life, I want to drop down dead.
I wonder if she'd care if I died.
No, probably not, she knows I lied.
I wonder if anyone would.
No, probably not, everyone thinks I should.
Tell a girl you like her, she'll smile and kiss you.
Tell a girl you like her, she'll smile and play with you.
Tell a girl you love her, she'll freeze and then leave.
Tell a girl you love her, she'll crush your heart, no reprieve.
When a girl says she loves you, when she knows she shouldn't.
It always confuses me, they always know I couldn't.
They back away slowly, scared of what might come next.
They back away slowly, knowing that was best left unsaid.
They love me, and yet they back away?
They love me, and yet they look away?
If they really loved me, surely they'd hug me, kiss me.
If they really loved me, surely they'd look at me, smile at me.
I don't know what goes through girl's minds.
No one would miss me...It's the same thing that drives me to suicide nearly every night,
It's the same thing that gives my enemies such evil delight.
It's the same thing that gives my lover such a fright,
It's the same evil thought that I am thinking tonight.
Even you reader, would you miss me if I left?
If I just stopped writing poetry, left this account bereft?
Would anyone, anywhere, miss me if I left?
If I left for good, because with a blade I am deft.
No one would miss me...
No reason to, no one loves me.
No reason to, no one even likes me.
It's just a fact that no one would miss me.
Our Poor JesterOur poor Jester bit off more than she could chew,
I suppose it was inevitable, being the human in the crew.
It happens to all of us, and we all must start anew,
But still, our poor poor Jester, you have us, your crew.
Now I know you might not want a Reaper's comforts,
And well, even despite my best efforts.
The touch of death is hardly the greatest of comforts,
Even though an Angel's pity is one of the sweetest of desserts.
Callous hands and callous ways, coupled with a callous tongue,
I cannot help but feel I'm to blame, at least if only for some.
Please know, none of it was intended, I never tried to depress you,
Guys, it looks like our poor Jester has bit off more than she can chew.
Don't worry though Riddle, we have people to take care of you,
The perfect person, an Angel for comfort, and of course Sarah too.
Our poor poor Jester has bitten off more than she can chew...
But as long as we have breath in our lungs, we will look after you.
The Letter My Parents Will Never ReadThe words just slip through my teeth, now,
They dance out of my throat and coat my tongue,
"I don't like that anymore"
"I'm still the same person"
"I'm not mad at you"
I've gotten so good at lying, now,
I sometimes can't tell when even I'm telling the truth.
"Sure, everything's good"
"See? I'm smiling"
"I haven't had my first kiss"
You know what?
I'm not fine.
I have to hide my heart from my own parents because they don't understand.
I have to pretend that I'm mad at him and have "repented from my ways".
But in reality, I wait to read his words online,
I see his pictures,
I've kept the notes we wrote to each other in secret,
I'm in pain.
I'm hurt and full of longing to see him again,
Because you wouldn't let me be with him for the most idiotic reason,
Part of me hates you,
Part of me loves you,
Part of me is angry and spitting fire,
Part of me is hurt and bleeding.
And the more that you both pretend that ever
All Here For A ReasonI turned onto a shady, well-manicured driveway that, for all intents and purposes, looked harmless enough. Maple trees lined both sides of the street, and a parade of Canadian geese marched across the road to a wide duck pond with a flamboyant fountain. There were blooming crepe myrtles and rose-of-sharons, and as I grew closer to my destination, neatly trimmed gardens with neatly trimmed bushes.
I stopped to let the geese pass. They looked at me; one hissed. I honked my horn and moved around them.
At the end of the road sat a collection of grayish buildings and a number of signs directing me to the appropriate parking lot. "Welcome to Ten Creeks Hospital," said one of them. "Please enjoy your stay." I parked in the visitor's lot. Surely I wouldn't be staying.
I was shaking when I got out of my car. I had spent the morning getting high. One foot in front of the other, flip-flop noises, hot sidewalk. Mulberry and magnolia trees, freshly shaved grass. A bench and pan for smokers. A set o
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