The words just slip through my teeth, now,
They dance out of my throat and coat my tongue,
"I don't like that anymore"
"I'm still the same person"
"I'm not mad at you"
I've gotten so good at lying, now,
I sometimes can't tell when even I'm telling the truth.
"Sure, everything's good"
"See? I'm smiling"
"I haven't had my first kiss"
You know what?
I'm not fine.
I have to hide my heart from my own parents because they don't understand.
I have to pretend that I'm mad at him and have "repented from my ways".
But in reality, I wait to read his words online,
I see his pictures,
I've kept the notes we wrote to each other in secret,
I'm in pain.
I'm hurt and full of longing to see him again,
Because you wouldn't let me be with him for the most idiotic reason,
Part of me hates you,
Part of me loves you,
Part of me is angry and spitting fire,
Part of me is hurt and bleeding.
And the more that you both pretend that everything's fine,
That I never fell in love with someone you would never approve of,
The more I want to scream in your faces,
The more I want to walk out,
And hold his hand to your eyes,
"Do you see a difference?"
The only difference is color and you're too stubborn to look past that!
Can't you see his eyes?
Can't you see how much I cared for him?
Yet, I have to pretend.
Smile, darling, it's all in the past.