topazcat511

Okay, serious talk time. Because I haven’t been on this account in a while and I need to get some things off my chest.

 

The majority of you followed me on this account because of my writing. In all honesty, the writings you fell in love with were fueled with negativity and distaste for my family, myself, and life in general.  I was uber depressed and confused about everything and it was a hard time for me.

Going through things now, looking back at some of the crazy stuff I’ve written, I realize that I’ve come a lot farther than where I was. I mean, hell, I’m still confused about somethings.  And I still don’t get why I’m so unbelievably emotional. But that doesn’t mean I haven’t gotten better.

I depend on my friends a lot, you know. Like a lot, a lot. And half the time, I don’t think they understand how important they are to me. I’ve been down darker paths before, self harm was something I struggled with and every day was a battle in the craziness that is my own mind. My anxiety still gets to me, and I tend to panic and worry to the point I’m word-vomiting into a friend’s skype or inbox…. But the thing is, No matter how many times I’ve done that,

No matter how many times I’ve curled up into a little ball and worried about how intimidating life can be,

My friends are always the ones to pick me back up and push me in the right direction.

 

If it weren’t for a friend I’ve recently gotten close to, I wouldn’t have found a new job as an interior designer for an awesome store.

If it weren’t for a friend I’ve known for a year at college, I’d still be struggling with self harm and hating myself.

If it weren’t for a friend across the freakin’ ocean, I wouldn’t believe in my own strength as an individual.

If it weren’t for my friends on tumblr and collected online groups, I would never have accepted myself as genderfluid and pansexual.

If it weren’t for my friends all together, I don’t think I’d have had the courage to get out of bed everyday and stand up against the negativity in my own head.

 

Everyone struggles, everyone has rough times, and for some reason, we always end up thinking we’re alone in whatever it is that’s putting us down. We can’t seem to get ahead no matter how hard we try and it all seems pointless, right? I know, it’s like that every time my thoughts cloud my mind before bed. My insomnia is really just my overthinking, and believe me, it does suck.

But here’s the thing,

My friends are my family. They help stand me up every time I fall and despite my ridiculousness and the idiotic mistakes I make, they still love me and believe in me.

 

I don’t know if they’ll ever understand how much they mean to me, but it’s more than I can’t say.

I finally feel like I’m getting somewhere, even though I have such a long way to go.

 

So here’s the deal guys, if you followed me for my depressing, negative, emotional writings, that’s fine. That’s awesome.  But I’ve grown a lot since writing about forbidden love and matriarchal focused hate.  I’ve grown a lot since I was the “ Topaz- eyed Cat”…since I was Ambrosia….since I was Aura….since I was Kitsue even and those names were from three years ago.

If you liked those kind of writings, you’re more than likely not going to find them here anymore. You just won’t. I may vent time to time, but I dislike using this account because of bad memories. 

If you want to get to know me, for me, you can follow my newer accounts on tumblr, youtube, deviantart, the works.  IAmPickledTink.  That’s it. Just go look it up, and hit me up. 

So yeah….friends are my family. I’ve grown to realize that it’s not the end of the world every night. And I’m struggling to find a way just like you guys are,  so please don’t give up ever. More than likely, you  have someone to reach out to.

 And if you don’t, message me. I’ll help in whatever way I can, even if it means sending you goofy videos off youtube to make you smile. Being a goofball is what I do best.

 

I love you lovelies, consider this the final submission on this account, and sweet dreams whenever you need them <3

With all the love,
Meg

Okay, serious talk time. Because I haven’t been on this account in a while and I need to get some things off my chest.

The majority of you followed me on this account because of my writing. In all honesty, the writings you fell in love with were fueled with negativity and distaste for my family, myself, and life in general.  I was uber depressed and confused about everything and it was a hard time for me.

Going through things now, looking back at some of the crazy stuff I’ve written, I realize that I’ve come a lot farther than where I was. I mean, hell, I’m still confused about somethings.  And I still don’t get why I’m so unbelievably emotional. But that doesn’t mean I haven’t gotten better.

I depend on my friends a lot, you know. Like a lot, a lot. And half the time, I don’t think they understand how important they are to me. I’ve been down darker paths before, self harm was something I struggled with and every day was a battle in the craziness that is my own mind. My anxiety still gets to me, and I tend to panic and worry to the point I’m word-vomiting into a friend’s skype or inbox…. But the thing is, No matter how many times I’ve done that,

No matter how many times I’ve curled up into a little ball and worried about how intimidating life can be,
My friends are always the ones to pick me back up and push me in the right direction.

If it weren’t for a friend I’ve recently gotten close to, I wouldn’t have found a new job as an interior designer for an awesome store.

If it weren’t for a friend I’ve known for a year at college, I’d still be struggling with self harm and hating myself.

If it weren’t for a friend across the freakin’ ocean, I wouldn’t believe in my own strength as an individual.

If it weren’t for my friends on tumblr and collected online groups, I would never have accepted myself as genderfluid and pansexual.

If it weren’t for my friends all together, I don’t think I’d have had the courage to get out of bed everyday and stand up against the negativity in my own head.

Everyone struggles, everyone has rough times, and for some reason, we always end up thinking we’re alone in whatever it is that’s putting us down. We can’t seem to get ahead no matter how hard we try and it all seems pointless, right? I know, it’s like that every time my thoughts cloud my mind before bed. My insomnia is really just my overthinking, and believe me, it does suck.

But here’s the thing,
My friends are my family. They help stand me up every time I fall and despite my ridiculousness and the idiotic mistakes I make, they still love me and believe in me.

I don’t know if they’ll ever understand how much they mean to me, but it’s more than I can’t say.
I finally feel like I’m getting somewhere, even though I have such a long way to go.

So here’s the deal guys, if you followed me for my depressing, negative, emotional writings, that’s fine. That’s awesome.  But I’ve grown a lot since writing about forbidden love and matriarchal focused hate.  I’ve grown a lot since I was the “ Topaz- eyed Cat”…since I was Ambrosia….since I was Aura….since I was Kitsue even and those names were from three years ago.

If you liked those kind of writings, you’re more than likely not going to find them here anymore. You just won’t. I may vent time to time, but I dislike using this account because of bad memories.  

If you want to get to know me, for me, you can follow my newer accounts on tumblr, youtube, deviantart, the works.  IAmPickledTink.  That’s it. Just go look it up, and hit me up for a chat or whatever, mkay?

So yeah….friends are my family.
I’ve grown to realize that it’s not the end of the world every night.
And I’m struggling to find a way just like you guys are,  so please don’t give up ever. More than likely, you  have someone to reach out to.

And if you don’t, message me. I’ll help in whatever way I can, even if it means sending you goofy videos off youtube to make you smile. Being a goofball is what I do best.

I love you lovelies, consider this the final submission on this account, and sweet dreams whenever you need them <3

Don't get excited or anything, but I'm not deleting this account after all...True, I know some people still have access to it, and I know that this is where all my "emotional" stuff is written, but I'm keeping it. I need something to vent through and my newer deviantart account...well I'd prefer to keep that in the state that it is now. Not so sure my viewers on there would appreciate the writings I place here.

Anyway, yeah, so I'll pop in and write a thing or two everynow and then, but I'm not back. Too many memories with this account, if that makes anysense? It's just a name now...And it's just old memories tied to old poems and emotions I'd rather not dive into often. I love you guys either way though, you know that <3

I had to do it...I had to lie...I had to cover my tracks, back track, pretend...
I told a bad lie, and the revealed a fake truth.
I would rather have gotten in trouble for the fake truth rather than the real truth...
Just to hear that voice again...
It was worth the guilt...the tears longspent...
I've waited a whole year...and a half...to hear the wonderful sarcastic voice and even though it wasn't even for an hour...
I was just so happy,..
So I'm sorry for the fake truth...I'm sorry for the lying..
But I had to...I just had to....
I never had a choice. And I never will when it comes to that voice.

I'm saving up for college books and such these next couple months, so I'm opening commissions on my other deviant page!
I can draw steampunk animals and people, as well as fanbots or robot characters in general.

I can also do watercolors of real life animals too if you'd like.

I'm doing them for around five to fifteen dollars depending on what you'd like <3

If you're interested, please check out my new deviantpage: www.iampickledtink.deviantart.com
Love you guys <3 <3 <3 and thank you so much!