My own thoughts...

It seems like I can never truly believe anything...I have trust issues that run too deep to know. I guess it's one reason why I'm so go-with-the-flow on most things because I expect things to be what they don't seem to be. I expect the change, the lies, the misinformation. I've always expected it. And then there's the matter of believing in myself, my own thoughts...it's like I'm always questioning... "Is this what I'm supposed to feel? Is there more to feel? Am I feeling this for another reason? Am I fooling myself? Is this true? What if I'm wrong?" The questions buzz through my skull like hornets from a disturbed nest, worrying me and troubling me at the easiest and simplest of times.  
I may not seem like it, but I question everything. I question the reason behind everything, the motive, the idea, the plot, and ultimately, the hidden scheme. I hide my own tracks, but I look for evidence of others doing the same. I've just learned not to trust in anything, because what is thought to be true can change in a heartbeat.

And because I've accepted "not - accepting"  I've learned how to look from different perspectives and help my friends. I've learned how to fix my own problems, how to protect myself from future dilemmas... But I've also learned how to annoy those around me by my questioning and doubt. So much doubt.

Is it really my fault though? The fact that I doubt things around me? That I expect to be hurt or dissapointed so I just let it? I just accept things for what they are, and what they really could be disguised as. I prepare myself for it, so that the blow of things isn't as rough.

And the constant soul-searching inside myself, doubting my own thoughts and feelings, that just drives me nuts sometimes....because it's like an endless circle and I always come to the same conclusion:  How is any of us to know for certain of anything? We all exist because of our ties to each other. Without the minds surrounding us or the environment we influence, we don't exist. We become invisible. Pointless......So we grab on to what we can and accept it at first glance for what it appears because we strive to hold on to what we think we have...
But I don't want to grab onto a rope of a life only to find out it's a snake.....so I always question...I always doubt.


I probably sound like I'm nuts, but this makes sense to me....
I actually could go on and on with this, I really didn't intend for this to become more than the first paragraph, but I feel like I understand a bit more now, after typing it out on here...

If you understand or have your own opinion, I'd be glad to hear it....