Harsh Conversations With Myself

"You're doing it again…"
The annoying voice whispers,
Dry and rough like burnt tree bark…
     I'm not, not this time. I know, right?
"You're doing it again…"
It tickles my ear as I laugh another tear,
Hovering like an invisible wasp intent to sting…
     I'm not, not ready to. I know, right?
"You're doing it again…"
It trickles down my neck, making me shiver,
Excited but frightened, cautious by right…
     I'm not, not going to. I know, right?

"Don't do it again wary loved girl,
Don't lose yourself to that thrum.
Don't think that you are strong enough,
Because you dance to a louder drum."
     I'm not, not really...right?

"Don't think that you can change your fate,
Don't think that you are chosen,
Because you fall harder and faster than others,
It's truly your heart that is poison."
     I'm not….am I?

"Don't think that anyone saw the true you,
Don't think that anything is real,
You crave attention, you like those looks,
Because you're vain and insecure,
No one really ever wanted you,
Why lie to yourself?"
     I'm don't…I'm not…not lying…I thought-

"And! If there truly was a love,
Would it have ended so quick?
You're doing it again now, my dear,
I'm only warning you to be fair.
It's all fine and dandy that you love love, my dear,
But after the past, it's only fair,
I warn you, prepare you, …..You're doing it again!"
     I'm not….I'm not….I can't….right?